THE RECENT PHENOMENA IN THE SMALL TOWN OF GIRVAN SEEMS TO BE ON THE INCREASE. NASA SCIENTISTS ARE STUDYING THESE LATEST UFO IMAGES BUT REFUSE TO VALIDATE WHAT APPEARS TO BE A VERY ALIVE ELVIS
KT:
Absolutely, Elvis used to drive a taxi in Girvan, although we didn't shout
Hey Elvis at his taxi, it was "Hey fat bas^%$^D", gonny take 10 o us back
tae Barr!!". He usually obliged - another reason for the King's greatness
and wonderfuldom.
ABIDABIDOO:
Shit, so that was Elvis and all these years I was sure it was Sally's Taxi's
we were getting, or did we shout the same thing at her?
GAV:
No, Sally is actually Priscilla in disguise visiting Elvis when she gets a
break from making Naked Gun movies.
ABIDABIDOO:
That's a bloody good disguise, it had me totally fooled.
KT:
Come on, this thing that Sally is Pricilla Presley is sheer speculation and
has no basis in fact. Elvis would never risk exposing the fact of his
continued "life" in Girvan by having his ex-missus visit periodically, even
in the very difficult disguise of the famous bespectacled taxi driveress.
GAV:
I recommend you quote the line 'Nice beaver!' from her hit movie 'Naked Gun
2 1/2' to her and see what her reaction is.
KT:
Bloody good idea to fish out the real Pricilla, the real one would of course
reply, "Thanks, I've just had it stuffed", while the real Sally would reply,
"Is that in Maybole!!?". Perfect.
Beavis - the test!
ABIDABIDOO:
I think you may have something there Kenny. I've just come to a scary
realisation. Remember the days when you could go to Leith's (??) the bakers
for a pie after lurching fourth from Molesters in the middle of the night.
Didn't they all of a sudden announce they weren't licensed to sell said pies
at this time of night. I may be wrong but wasn't that round about the same
time Elvis lookey likey character started taxi-ing in Girvan? Did Elvis eat
all the pies? Was he in ca-hoots with the baker in order to feed his large
appetite for greasy, fatty food?
KT:
Abi was right Elvis did eat all the pies and what's more he's still at it!!
I just happened to be walking down to the Poxy for a pint and there he was
on the roof, sneaking through the skylight at the bakers, no wonder you
can't get a pie fur your tea anymore.
Caught him on camera too.
JABBAWABBAWABBA (on a certain Girvaner lacking the cojones for this discussion):
Who the knob Steve, tell him to suck shite fae a dead man's arse (the KING's
not include of course).
I have met the King recently. He dj's in the Poxy and goes by the alias of
Johnny Hotpants.
MOONCAT:
Maybe we can get Ayrshire Tourist Board to mention our Elvis sightings.
ABIDABIDOO:
Girvan will become like Loch Ness. People will travel from around the world
to catch a glimpse of Elvis in his natural surroundings. They'll even begin
making TV programmes about the sightings and the local folklore. We could
all be famous........
KT:
It'll be great. Back to the good old days of long hot summers. Abs you're
right we could all be famous, fuck that we could all make it RICH!! RICH!!
RICH!!! It's a pot of gold I tell you! Elvis tours, souvenirs, Elvis
spotting trips around Ailsa Craig, Elvis shaped chicken bits in breadcrumbs
for sale as bar lunches (in a nice basket of course), the possibilities are
endless.
MOONCAT:
...and Elvis crabsticks from the wee van that used to be at the harbour car park (maybe
Krazy Island, the trampolines and, dare I mention it, 5th Dimension will come back too).
